Years ago, I found a lover on an online dating website. Deeply unhappy in my marriage and not seeing a way out, I thought (as I sometimes still do) that a lover would give me a regular escape and solace from the pain.
This my lover (let’s call him Jay*) was a medical doctor in his late 30s. I was in my late 20s. We went on a few dates and started sleeping together. It was good, but I wasn’tcl!m@x!n’g. Didn’t really matter to me. I just wanted intimacy and affection. He gave me those in abundance. He was a gynecologist and understood women’s bodies and emotions. He was gentle and patient. He cared.
Meeting Jay at hotels had to be carefully planned. We’d usually meet in the afternoons. Once I went to the hospital where he worked (St Nicholas) posing as a patient. He locked the door and…
I had lied to him that I was separated. And he had lied to me that he was single and had never been married. One day, overcome with my marital woes, I broke down and told him the truth. He also revealed that he was married with 2 children. His wife and children were in London and would be moving to Nigeria soon. I could’t get mad at him. He was a lying cheat. Yes. But heck, so was I.
These revelations brought us closer and we began to have strong feelings for each other…and we started taking risks and meeting at night.
One night we were at the Sofitel in Ikoyi having the time of our lives. Completely oblivious to the time. We were just basking in the afterglow when my phone started vibrating and just would not stop vibrating in my handbag on the table.
My husband was calling.
I got dressed and rushed home. Hubby was very upset. Demanding to know where I had been. I just started crying. He put his arms around me and apologized for being upset. This led to kissing…and then we sleeping together. I couldn’t stop him without arousing suspicion.
And that was how I had to sleep with 2 men in one night. The second and final time. I still can’t talk about the first time.
It felt weird. Very. I didn’t feel guilt or shame. Just sadness at my very weird reality.
Shortly after, I left the marriage for 2 years.