How to build trust in a relationship after it has been broken?
It can happen suddenly. Everything seems fine in your relationship or friendship, but then you find a hidden text message or accidentally receive an email not meant for you. It feels like your world is collapsing.
It can also happen gradually—missed events, forgotten errands, or suspicious withdrawals from your account. The person you trusted no longer feels familiar, and everything feels uncertain.
Whether it’s a major betrayal or a series of small broken promises, the pain of lost trust is real. Every relationship—whether romantic, familial, or with friends—relies on trust. When that trust is broken, it leaves you shaken and uncertain. But if the relationship is going to survive, rebuilding trust is essential.
You can rebuild trust—it’s possible and it’s been done many times. Relationships can emerge stronger after trust is broken, but it takes work. Waiting until you “feel ready” won’t help. If you’re committed to restoring trust, here’s where to start:
Signs of a Lack of Trust
Keeping Secrets
Secrets harm relationships. This isn’t about planning a surprise party—it’s about deliberately hiding something important, like financial decisions or browsing history, to deceive the other person. If you feel the need to hide, trust is already at risk.
Controlling Behavior
Constantly checking your partner’s messages or feeling anxious about their actions when they’re not with you are signs of control. A relationship full of surveillance and suspicion destroys trust and leaves no room for genuine connection.
Anger and Blame
When trust is broken, you may react with anger or blame. Having been hurt, you become quick to accuse and defend yourself, creating a toxic cycle that keeps you from healing or trusting again.
Anxiety
Mistrust creates anxiety, leaving you feeling unsafe and out of control. This disconnection feeds feelings of unease and doubt, making it hard to trust your partner, yourself, or both.
Catastrophizing
If you constantly expect the worst—believing your partner will cheat, betray, or disappoint you—trust has eroded. Jumping to worst-case scenarios only deepens your fear and mistrust.
8 Steps to Rebuilding Trust
- Take Responsibility
Acknowledge your role, whether you caused or were hurt by the betrayal. Own up to your mistakes, no matter how small, and be honest about the pain you caused or experienced. Trust begins with accountability. - Practice Forgiveness
Forgiving isn’t about forgetting. It’s a conscious choice to release bitterness and move forward. Forgiveness lightens the emotional burden and helps pave the way to healing. - Leave the Past Behind
Once you commit to rebuilding, stop revisiting old hurts. Learn from the past, but don’t use it as a weapon. Focus on what’s ahead, not what’s already happened. - Allow Time for Grief
Trust doesn’t heal overnight. Allow yourself and your partner to process the grief, understanding that everyone heals differently. Be patient and compassionate as you both work through the pain. - Follow Through on Small Things
Rebuilding trust starts with the small stuff—keeping promises, showing up on time, and honoring commitments. If you can’t trust someone with little things, it’s hard to trust them with big ones. - Practice Vulnerability
Trust requires openness. Being vulnerable means sharing your true feelings, even when it’s hard. Vulnerability creates the foundation for deeper connection and trust. - Address Deeper Issues
Betrayal usually has roots in deeper issues. Whether it’s unresolved trauma, past experiences, or dysfunctional behaviors, these must be addressed for true healing to occur. Seek professional help if needed. - Co-create a New Future
You can’t rebuild trust with the same relationship as before. Both partners must work together to build something new, with honest communication, clear goals, and shared dreams.
How Long Does It Take to Rebuild Trust?
Rebuilding trust takes time, and the timeline varies for each relationship. It could take weeks, months, or even years. The key is to be patient and consistently committed to rebuilding.
Managing Anxiety in a Relationship
When trust is lost, anxiety often follows. If you feel disconnected, unsafe, or out of control, it’s natural for your body and mind to react with anxiety. Restoring trust will help calm these fears, but it requires effort from both partners.
Ultimately, rebuilding trust is a process of choosing to trust again—daily and intentionally.
