Is ‘Never Go to Bed Angry’ Actually Bad Relationship Advice?

The best relationship advice, the adage “never go to bed angry” has long been heralded as a golden rule. The idea is that couples should resolve their disagreements before they sleep, ensuring that no resentment festers overnight. But is this timeless piece of wisdom truly beneficial, or could it be detrimental to the health of a relationship?

The Origin of the Advice

The notion likely stems from the belief that unresolved anger can disrupt sleep, leading to a poor night’s rest and a grumpier disposition the following day. It also aligns with the general principle that communication is essential in any relationship.

However, times have changed, and so have our understanding of emotional well-being and conflict resolution.

The Case for Going to Bed Angry

1. Emotional Regulation: When emotions are running high, it’s often difficult to think clearly and communicate effectively. Taking a break to cool down can help both parties approach the problem with a clearer mind and reduced emotional intensity.
2. Sleep Deprivation: Staying up late to resolve conflicts can lead to sleep deprivation, which in turn can exacerbate irritability and reduce the ability to handle stress. A good night’s sleep can provide the mental and emotional clarity needed to address the issue more constructively.
3. Perspective: A fresh perspective in the morning can sometimes make a problem seem less significant. The passage of time can put things into context, making it easier to find a resolution.

The Middle Ground

While the advice to “never go to bed angry” may not be practical for everyone, the underlying message about the importance of resolving conflicts remains valid. Here are some alternative strategies:

1. Agree to Disagree Temporarily: Couples can acknowledge that they are upset and agree to revisit the issue at a specific time when they are both more composed.
2. Set Boundaries: Establishing boundaries for conflict resolution can be helpful. For instance, agreeing not to bring up contentious issues late at night can prevent unnecessary late-night arguments.
3. Check-In: Before going to bed, take a moment to check in with each other. A simple gesture of affection or reassurance can go a long way in maintaining an emotional connection, even if the issue isn’t fully resolved.

Conclusion

The advice to “never go to bed angry” isn’t one-size-fits-all. While the intention behind it is to promote communication and prevent resentment, it may not always be the best approach. Understanding your own and your partner’s emotional needs can help you navigate conflicts more effectively. Sometimes, giving each other the space to cool off and gain perspective can be more beneficial than forcing a resolution in the heat of the moment.

Ultimately, the key is to find a balance that works for both partners, fostering a healthy and supportive relationship.