What Are The Bases in Dating?

Catching up with your best friend is always a blast, especially when they’re spilling all the juicy details about their dating life. So, when you’re deep in conversation on FaceTime and they casually mention, “We made it to second base last night,” you’re left wondering what exactly that means. While you might not feel comfortable asking them to explain, you can’t help but be curious.

When people talk about “first base,” “second base,” “third base,” or even “home run” in dating, they’re using baseball metaphors to describe different levels of intimacy in a relationship. These terms represent various stages of verbal and physical closeness that couples might experience. To shed more light on this concept, we consulted psychotherapist and author Natalie Kohlhaas, who broke down what these “bases” really signify.

What are the bases of dating?

Although not official terms, the “bases” are a playful way to talk about different stages of intimacy in relationships. Kohlhaas emphasizes that dating should be about mutual respect and understanding, rather than just physical achievements. “The bases aren’t about ‘scoring’ sexually but rather exploring intimacy with someone you trust and connect with,” she explains.

In the context of romance, these stages can start as early as texting and gradually progress. Kohlhaas shares a breakdown of the dating bases with both emotional and physical connections in mind:

• First base: Engaging in conversation, holding hands, and kissing.
• Second base: Physical touching above the waist.
• Third base: Sharing emotional vulnerabilities with your partner.
• Fourth base: Physical touching below the waist, leading up to sexual intercourse, at which point the relationship moves beyond the metaphorical “bases.”

As you start spending time with your crush or enter a new relationship, you may feel the need to measure progress in physical intimacy. Kohlhaas points out that there’s also a set of bases related specifically to physical touch and hooking up:

• First base: Kissing, whether it’s closed-mouth or open-mouth (French kissing).
• Second base: Touching above the waist.
• Third base: Touching or stimulating below the waist.
• Fourth base: Sexual intercourse, often referred to as a “home run.”
• Fifth base (in some cases): Anal intercourse.

Where did the baseball metaphor come from?

The idea of using baseball to describe relationship milestones has been around for quite a while. Kohlhaas explains that this metaphor originated in the 1940s, post-World War II, as a way to talk about the common progression of sexual experiences. Over time, the metaphor has evolved, but it remains a common way to discuss intimacy levels within relationships today.

While these terms might be fun to use in casual conversation, it’s important to remember that every relationship moves at its own pace, and there’s no need to rush through any “bases.” Whether you’re holding hands or reaching deeper levels of connection, mutual respect and understanding are key.